Hidden feelings on Fishermans Horizon

Squal had walked far carrying the unconsious Rinoa on his back across Fishermans Horizon. He wondered when she would just wake up. If she would ever wake up. The only thing he wanted was for her to open her eyes and be herself again. To talk to him, tell him that everything is going to be ok like she had done for as long as she had known him. For the first time in his life he felt like he needed to be close to someone. Squall needed Rinoa. As the sun was setting on the horizon he placed Rinoa down on the bridge. Fishermans Horizon had never looked so beautiful. The orange and peach sky over a clear blue sea.
Squall sat down on the edge looking out at the sun before it sank away. He looked back at Rinoa and thought to himself how beautiful she was. In a way he had regretted the way he had treated her, the cold replies, the 'I wanna be alone' attitude. Squall looked back at the horizon, in an attempt to change the subject.

"I wonder what everyone is doing."

Squall left the Garden without saying goodbye to anybody. He even wondered if anybody would notice if he was gone. He knew that his paranoia gets the better of him most of the time and he blocks out the emotion of others no matter what their good intentions are.

"They're probably laughing at me. Or maybe they're angry?"

Looking down at the ocean below his feet he thought hard and long about what the others were doing at this moment. Did he do wrong by not saying goodbye? Always being on his own, Squall just found it natural to do things by himself and never felt the need to include others in his life decisions. But that was when he didn't have anybody who relied on him. Squall had made a few friends. People who he cared about deep down. Maybe he was just to stubborn to admit it. Squall looked back at Rinoa.

"What do you think?"

As he was met by silence, expected, he turned back to face the sun watching it hide behind the clouds that passed infront of him. The perfect metaphor for time. Squall waited a few seconds hoping so much for a reply but nothing was heard but the gulls in the air, the sea peacefully lapping under Fishermans Horizon and the calm wind briskly blowing by.

"To tell you the truth... I worry too much of what others think of me. I hate that side of me."

For the first time in Squalls life he had finally opened up to another person. Even though Rinoa was in an incredibly deep sleep, he just felt that he needed to tell her what he feels in this moment.

"That's why I didn't want anyone to get to know me. I wanted to hide that side of myself. I hate it"

With deep sighs breezing into the wind, Squall just said what he felt hoping that somehow she could hear him.

"Squall is an unfriendly, introverted guy. It made it easy for me when people percieved me that way."

As he let out his final words he turned to face Rinoa.

"That's a secret between you and me. Got that?"

Squall picked himself up and walked away from the edge and back to her. He placed his arms around her, picked her up and placed her on his back ready to continue on the long journey they had to take together. The sun continued to glow less and less as he began to walk across the bridge.

"Rinoa..."

UNREST

"I'll be the first one to admit that I'm here because of other people."

He shuffled around onto his side to face the blank wall trying to block out the openess of the world and block himself into an ever increasing claustrophobic lifestyle in his mind. No matter how much he tried to get away from people they were always there. He never did understand why people looked up to him. He stared at the blank, pale blue wall with such jealousy hoping that his mind could just relax into nothingness and get the peace he longed for. Everything that had happened to him had bought him closer to other people. For a moment he suddenly thought that it was a good thing, he got further in his life and was able to achieve so much more with others there. His eyes opened wider as he came to this sudden realisation that he knew all along. But that spark was no sooner put out as he rolled onto his back to face the ceiling.

"I'm fine by myself now. I have all the skills I need to survive. I'm not a child anymore."

He reluctantly spoke to himself as if to  prove his dominance in own chaotic mind. Such passion, such anger, such power. The words of a man lost in his own head, lost in his own memories, lost in his own will and lost in his own past. But even the strongest of men can't face up to the reality of life.

"That's a lie. I don't know anything. I'm confused."

He closed his eyes and moved his body to face the wall once more blocking out the room and blocking out the light. In his mind it was also such a dark place dark. Clouds and squalls blocked everything leaving him to stay at the one place in his mind. Time compression froze everything in his head to one point in his life. The past. The people he had met, the places he had been. The rain droplets plummeting their way to the ground that night wondering where 'Sis' had gone to. It was then that he told himself he was to be stronger. He would be like the wolf. Strong, brave and loyal. But the lonely way of the wolf came at a price.

"I don't want to depend one anyone. How do I do that?"

The same question was asked over and over again in his mind, stuck in a constant loop. Time compression. Each question he asked just led him to the same place. The power he had used over time in his life as he trained himself to become stronger placed a wall in his mind. The memories in his head had faded long ago without him even noticing. Was it that he had not cared for the people he was once close to? The wall blocked out the past in an effort to push him forward and be himself. Slowly but surely, the memories surfaced. Not through the wall crumbling, but by meeting those again who he had lost once before.

"Someone tell me..."

Time compression...

"Someone? So I'll be relying on someone after all..."

Nate's Note

"This was the beginning of a story I wrote in my first year of college. Since I didn't really get on well with most of the people in my class, or in college for that matter, everytime we had a break I always went to the library computers and wrote up whatever was on my mind. Since I still plan to continue this story someday, as I still have so many idea's in my mind about it, I will only share with you the intro I wrote for it.
To me this intro was going to be a powerful introduction. It lays down mystery, tradgedy, sadness and nostalgia to the character. If you want to get the full effect of what I was going for please listen to the song 'Everything you do is a Balloon' by Boards of Canada."
                        - Dieter


It’s weird how such small things from the past can have such a huge effect in the future. Something I never thought much of turned out to be the biggest thing in my life. Nothing had prepared me for it. Nothing even warned me. It all happened so fast. Life really gave me the wrong hand.
When I was eight, I remember a new kid came into my orphanage. He seemed different from everyone else. Something about him didn’t exactly stand out but made him blend in, in a weird way. No one seemed to notice him outside just being another kid. I noticed him as something completely different. You made this happen didn’t you? I kept to myself most of the time. I never really liked talking to people. They just complicated things and got in the way of my life, not that I had anything planned. I sort of drifted through life, just going with whatever happened. But now I guess that’s at an end. Should I have done something different? What could I have done?
That girl, I’m still not sure of who you are. I’ve seen your face. I’ve spoken to you. I’ve held you.I dont know even know your name but I want to see you. I've gone through so much because of you and I've never even met you. That’s why I have to do this. If someone find’s this. I’m not really sure why I wrote it. I guess I’m scared. –Nate.